Let's Catch Up

Well, that last post didn't age very well.  In it, I said I was back and that I'd be more active on here, but that wasn't true at all.  It wasn't that I intended on never writing on here again and there were times where I tried to log in, but my account was locked for some reason.  I guess life happened as well as this thing called Covid so let's get caught up...

A ton of things have happened since my last post.  

After I graduated, my family decided we wanted to move to Farragut, Tennessee.  We didn't have any friends or family there, but we knew that it wasn't winter for 8 months at a time like it is in Maine.  We went on a family vacation with my parents in tow and we all really loved it there.  It was definitely hotter than we were used to but we loved the area, the culture, and the fact that there wasn't only a Walmart.  We came back home ready to pack, but then I got a phone call.  It was my friend Ted and he was offering me a job.  

I went back to school with the intention of becoming a pastor.  I received my bachelor's degree in communications with a certificate in human resources and graduated Summa Cum Laude which was a miracle in itself.  Ted told me he had a church in Camden, Maine for me, but that I needed to interview first.  He told me that I'd need to move near the church and commit to serving them for at least three years.  I told him I'd need to think about it and hung up.  I called my mom and in frustration told her about the offer.  She paused and asked me how long I needed to commit to them.  I told her three years and she paused for a while.  I asked her what was wrong and she told me she had been accepted into an eye program since she is losing her eyesight and that she had to commit to it for three years.  I felt goosebumps as I knew that we'd be staying in Maine for a while longer.

We ended up moving to Hope, Maine and both of my retired parents are living with us.  Of course, the pandemic has happened and although that was definitely a challenge, I've made it through and so has my family.  I am currently working on my Master's degree in Pastoral Ministry.  I am still a full-time stay-at-home dad as well as a part-time pastor.  A lot has changed, but God is good.  Hopefully, I'll get on here more often than every few years.  I promise I'll try at least!

<--- My church!!

Achieving the "Impossible"

Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com

Hello everyone.  

I know it's been a little while, but I'm back.  I have been working extremely hard to finish up my college degree and I am officially done!!  I won't be officially graduating until June 2019, but I am so excited and exhausted.  Balancing being a full-time student, a stay at home dad, a husband, etc. has been the hardest job that I've ever had, but I know that it has been worth it.

When I was in first grade, I had a teacher that was very verbally abusive to me, often in front of the class.  I was attending a small private school, so I was in a classroom that had students from grades 1-4.  Over time, I believed everything she said about me.  Even though my parents had me tested for ADHD and every other type of learning issue and I had passed ever test that had been thrown at me, I still believed that I was stupid and that no matter what I did, I would never be able to do anything about it.  It has taken me years to finally believe in myself, and I can proudly say that I will be graduating with honors since I was able to maintain a 4.0 GPA and will proudly wear the cords of multiple honor societies when I march.  

I initially came back to school with the full intention of becoming a pastor and I still intend to follow that path.  I was raised in the church and have always had faith that there was something out there much bigger than me.  I have always wanted to make a positive difference in this world, and I believe that becoming a pastor will allow me to achieve this goal. I will be graduating with a degree in Communications and a certificate in Human Resources.  I wanted to show my kids that if you work hard, you will be rewarded and I believe that I have finally achieved that goal.  Luckily Ben (my oldest) loves school and is doing extremely well.  He is only in Kindergarten, but he is already learning to read!  I'm pretty sure that when I was in Kindergarten we just played and took naps.  We didn't even have full school days.  

If anyone is even thinking of going back to school, I would highly encourage it.  It is a lot of work, but the reward at the end makes it all worth it.  Believe me, if I can do it, anyone can!

Stay capable!

-Richie

I used to go to the bathroom alone.

I love my kids so much, but sometimes as a stay at home dad, I need a break.  However, I can't just leave my son Jon, (who is currently 1) alone, so I let him follow me to the bathroom.  He loves to play peek a boo with me while I am trying to concentrate on the job at hand and he often makes my job even tougher when he gets into the cabinets and drawers while emptying their contents onto the floor.  He is always so proud to bring me treasures that he finds such as deodorant or my wife's hairbrush.

Sometimes it drives me crazy that I can't seem to get anything done without my little shadow following me around the house begging for me to pick him up.  However, I often catch myself reminiscing about how his big brother was when he was little and it makes me feel sad to know that he doesn't need me as much.  My older boy Ben is 5 and will be starting Kindergarten in the fall.  He doesn't care about when I go to the bathroom and doesn't ask me to pick him up anymore.

Whenever I leave the room, Jon immediately follows me to see what I am doing.  He usually wants me to hold him at all times.  I found myself getting frustrated and even angry with him the other night because I was trying to make supper and he wanted me to pick him up and hold him.

Because I was cooking multiple things on the stove at once, I picked him up and put him in his highchair.   That wasn't what he wanted, so he screamed even louder. He is very persistent and will scream forever if he doesn't get his way.  (I have been told that he will be very successful someday because of this trait, so I hope that's true.)  I finally finished making supper, but at that point, I was so frustrated with him because he had been screaming constantly while I was trying to get something done.  As I picked he immediately stopped crying and snuggled into me as hard into me as he could.  Even though I needed to make supper, I felt terrible that he was so upset and even worse, that I was angry with him for it.  All he wanted was for his daddy to hold him, but I was busy and he didn't understand.  

I know we all have responsibilities and tasks on our to-do lists, but since we are not going to be having any more kids, my days of being able to hold Jon are numbered.  The days of him wanting me to hold him are even less.  Because of this, I take advantage of as many opportunities as I can to hold my boys, even if it means that supper will be a little late.

Great Expectations

Hello Capable Dads!  Today I want to talk to you about expectations.  You may not think about it, but you face expectations on a daily basis from your spouse, your kids, and even yourself.  It can be very easy to feel overwhelmed when you look at the minefield of toys that are all over the living room floor, the amount of dirty dishes in the sink, or the dreaded “To Do” list that your wife made for you months ago that you hid on the side of the fridge behind an expired 20% off Bed Bath and Beyond coupon because you just don’t have the time to do it.  I thought being a stay at home dad would be really easy, but it is so much more work than I ever realized.

There are some days that I feel like a complete failure because the entire day slipped away from me and I didn’t get anything done around the house because my kids were suffering from a severe case of cabin fever and I needed to get them out of the house so my wife could work in peace. 

Sometimes you need to measure your daily success by how your kids view you.  The time you have to invest in them is sacred and many other dads unfortunately don’t have the opportunities that we do.  Being a stay at home dad is the toughest, but most rewarding job that I have ever had and I count my blessings every single day that I am able to make a direct impact on the lives of my kids.  I make mistakes every single day, but at the end of the day when I tuck them in and they give me a huge hug and tell me how much they love me, I know that I am doing something right. 

Thank you for listening dads and stay Capable!

Grocery shopping

It was at the grocery store that I first realized that many people, usually women, were surprised to see that my wife had "allowed" me to leave the house alone to go shopping with two kids.  I consistently hear random comments like "Wow! I'm impressed." or "You have your hands full!"  The strange thing is, my boys are really well behaved for me the majority of the time, so I am usually confused about how my hands are any more full than any other parents in the store.  I was also confused why they only seemed to make comments to me and didn't even acknowledge the many women who were also in the store shopping with their kids. 

I have always done all of the cooking, so I have always done all of the grocery shopping and in my opinion, there was no reason for that to change once we had kids.  When my wife finished her maternity leave and resumed working, I started taking my boys with me on all of my errands.  I would always make sure I packed our diaper backpack (because I'm way too cool for a diaper bag/purse) with plenty of diapers, wipes, extra clothes, and snacks.  I like to believe I am well prepared for any situation that may occur in the 1-2 hours that I am out of the house.  

I was initially offended by women making these seemingly random comments to me.  I didn't understand why it was such a big deal for a dad to be grocery shopping alone with his kids.  As I have become more cognizant of how dads are portrayed through movies, TV sitcoms, commercials, etc. I have begun to realize why these women are so shocked to see me venture out of the house "unsupervised." Commericals like this one portray dads as incapable idiots who can not be left alone with their kids without the house falling apart so how could I be capable enough to actually leave the house?

I have definitely had moments where I felt overwhelmed with both of my kids.  I am not perfect, but as long as I always try my best, I don't have to be. I realize there are a lot of dads who are not involved with their kids, or who are terrified at the thought of being left alone with them for an extended period of time, but there are plenty of capable dads who do an amazing job.  That's why people need to see capable dads in action.  It's the only way to start changing the "dad perception." 

Dads need to be built up instead of being the butt of the jokes, so now instead of getting internally (and unnecessarily) offended by the random comments, I choose to graciously accept the compliments given to me and thank them.  The world needs to see capable dads in action, so get out there and show them how great you are!

Introductions

I became a dad on February 6, 2013.  I remember being terrified of screwing up and not knowing what to do so I bought a bunch of parenting books so I could attempt to become an expert before my son was born.  I actually did read a couple of them, but nothing could actually prepare me for the unforgettable moment that I first saw my son's fuzzy little head being squeezed out of my wife.  I remember that I was so overwhelmed with emotion.  I felt as if I had had an empty expanse within me that was suddenly flooded with an unexplainable amount of love for this little person that I had just barely met.  

As my boy grew older and we eventually had another four years later, I began to realize that many people seem to believe that dads are incapable morons who shouldn't be trusted to be alone with their own kids.  Before I became a dad, I never noticed how dads were portrayed in movies, tv sitcoms, books, commercials, etc.  However, I did notice the strange looks and comments from random strangers whenever I would leave the house alone with my boys.  My eyes were opened even more when I became a stay at home dad and a full-time student.  It seemed that people were amazed that I would have the courage (or audacity) to venture out of the house without my wife supervising me. 

I began to get frustrated with how dads are portrayed, so I decided that I wanted to start this blog as a way to give people a different perspective of what a real-life dad is.  I decided to name it: "The Capable Dad" because the word capable is defined as the ability to do something.  As Wade Boggs once said, "Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad."

I'm not perfect, but I am capable.

-Richie (The Capable Dad)